I came back from the courthouse this morning into work stuffing my face with half a bagel and moldy strawberry cream cheese. Emotional eater alert! You may be wondering why..well let me tell you.
I went across the street to the county courthouse to get my Iowa driver’s license and Iowa license plates. It went well! I passed the vision test which was something I was worried about. What got me though was when I was getting my paper driver’s licence when the lady at the counter took my Nebraska license from me. The first words out of my mouth were: “I’m losing my identity.” And in a way I was. (And yes my Iowa plates are still sitting in the front seat of my car because I am to chicken to try and figure out how to get them on correctly).
When I got back to my desk at the office, a true yet somewhat sad statement was reiterated: I lost my identity. I told the girls at work as much as I was scarfing down the last bit of bagel. I am now legally an Iowan. Growing up in Nebraska the last 21 plus years it made me sad. But the good news is I can say to everyone I meet that I am a Nebraskan living in Iowa.
But the whole “I lost my identity” thing hasn’t gone away the last five hours while at work and as I sat at lunch earlier today; I’m reminded as much just getting done eating a burnt grilled cheese sandwich.
I have spent a lot of time the last four months here in iowa wishing and searching. As I sat listening to a podcast after work, I was reminded of where I’ve been. But the reason I decided to start this blog is the same reason why God chose to stay with Jacob from Genesis 28 and 21 years later in Genesis 35 when he went back to Bethel. And as only Pastor Steven can he said this his sermon #DeathtoSelfie part 3 “When God Shows Up in the Middle of Nowhere,” saying:
- Sometimes you have to stand in the middle of where you are even though ultimately it’s not where you believe you ultimately want to be but sometimes you just have to learn to praise God even when you feel like you’re getting nowhere; when you feel like you’re going nowhere; when you feel like nothing is happening; when you look at what others have compared to what you have and it looks like nothing. Have you ever had to thank God in the middle of nowhere? What He brought you through?
- God knows how to meet you in the middle of your nowhere. When you don’t know where you’re going; and you can’t go back where you came from. God says I will meet you in the middle of nowhere; with only a staff in your hand. On the run because of the things you have done wrong. I’ll meet you in your transition. I’ll meet you in your trouble. I will bless you in between places.
- You don’t even know why you are in the city that you are in but I’ll meet you in the middle of nowhere.
And this is something that I need right now.Yes he loves to dream with me and is taking me somewhere, but on days like today where I continue to sin and struggle; I will choose to praise God even now. I guess I’m beginning to realize that my identity is in God alone and where his presence is; I am there no matter where I am on the map or what office I walk into.